I was reading through the Bible the other day…… ok, you can stop laughing now..
But seriously folks, I went through 12 years of Catholic school and if it taught me anything, (other than how to avoid the fiery gates of hell through fear and obedience) it taught me that the good book is chock full of anecdotes, lessons, and overall ripping good yarns.. Here are few that you may have missed during your youthful years….
But ask now the beasts, and they shall teach thee; and the fowls of the air, and they shall tell thee: Or speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee: and the fishes of the sea shall declare unto thee. I think I just read thee the menu from Applebees.
And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! For then would I fly away, and be at rest. But in order to rest I would have to land first.
I understand more than the ancients, because I keep thy precepts. I know I will need them come tax time.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. But he probably will hate your guts.
The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. And if you get that one I’ll give you 5 bucks.
But he answered and said, it is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. That and a good salad bar.
It is more blessed to give than to receive, and is tax deductible.
For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out, unless we are wearing pants with really big pockets.
Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer. But they will have more blisters.
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. And if you do not believeth me, you can go fucketh yourself
That’s all for now.. Go forth and multiply, or at least be able to conjugate a verb…..