Horoscope for Cancer

Today is not a day to ride public transportation. While we are on the topic of things to avoid, you should also steer clear of take-out food, friends that call you needing advice on real estate, and general body odor. Virgo is your ally today, but only because Scorpio can’t be trusted. Aquarius just screwed you out of a business deal, and Libra ran off with your mailman. Other than that the day is looking up and you should look at things in a positive light. The road is always bending and turning and it is about to bend your way. Speaking of bending don’t forget today you have an appointment with your proctologist. Unless he is a Sagittarius, then go directly to a brothel and meet a Gemini.

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