While the Christmas Card is being worked on, let’s ease on down another road of equal importance. Math. You hate it or you love it. When I a kid in Catholic school I breezed through my multiplication tables only to find out they were coming out with New Math. Remember that? It was no longer enough to know that 5 lemons and 3 limes added up to no scurvy, I now had to know the inverse proportion of each lemon perpendicular to the stratosphere of each lime. At first I blamed Satan, as we were taught to blame for all bad things. Then I realized that Math was just moving along with the times, getting with it in the hip 1970’s. Well here we are in 2015 and I have had to revisit the fun world of mathematics with my daughter’s Algebra class. All I can say is where the fuck was Google when we needed it in the 1970’s. It was nice to see I remembered nothing, and could internet search my way into the correct answers. The circumference of my brain was growing exponentially.. I decided there had to be an even newer Math, so coming soon, I give you the newest Math, written for kids dealing with real math problems in the twenty fifteens. Here’s a snippet :

Billy went to the store to buy 2 gallons of milk. His Mom gave him $10 to pay for said gallons. If each gallon of milk costs $3, should he fore-go the milk and continue to save up for the rocket launcher that will take out half of the neighborhood ?

Troubling Math indeed, but you must admit, it is new. This story will be complete once I solve for X, find the slope of an isosceles rhombus, and the hypotenuse of my trapezoid. I lost both of them in a different pair of pants. For now, I leave you with these 2 math problems.. If you can figure them out, you are smarter than me.

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