We need more Pomp for these Circumstances

Tis the season for graduations. I love a good celebration but when I see a moon bounce announcing well wishes to Johnny for passing 3rd grade Phonics we might be overdoing it just a tad. As usual the signs are my favorite. On the side of a truck I saw a greeting referencing that someone may fall flat on their face but at least they were moving forward. I am sure the parents meant well but perhaps their expectations could use a little refresh. Then again, if you are going to aim low, may as well do it with gusto:
Way to go Johnny, prison is right around the corner!
Congrats Sally! We were all betting on you. Except Uncle Skeeter, you cost him 50 bucks.
Well done Nelson! You kicked serious Kindergarten ass. Make 1st Grade your bitch!
Our Willie has mastered Pre-K! Honk if you give a shit.
Kudos to cousin Wilmont. A PHD in nuclear destruction! I’d say this calls for dropping acid.
My brother Heathrow just made it through clown college! Next up is getting his masters in being a dickhead!
We is prowd uv r rockit signtist und grate speller Max! Giv um hell in space!
Outstanding job on your graduation Keifer. We are so proud of you! Now get the fuck out of the house.

That’s it for now. To all graduates, get out there, take a huge bite out of life, and be sure to spit out the bullshit… And I wonder why no one has ever asked me to speak at a graduation….

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