The Land of the Ridiculous – Part 1

While I work on the new book,  this is what I do when I need to take a break…..


The Land of the Ridiculous – seeing the world in a different way, every single day.
Take time out of your day for only 5 minutes and wonder why we do things the way we do. Question everything, and nothing is off limits. And on those days when you cannot think of anything, come here and I will help you along.

Enter a world where up is down, right is left, and anything you can dream up can happen. A place where imagination grows like a weed that never gets sprayed by a pesticide. A town where children do not have to listen to their parents, and every time they do they get paid for it. Without taxes taken out. A city where cursing does not take place and is replaced by phrases such as “darn the luck”, “curses, foiled again” and “woe is me”. Schools begin at 11:45 and dismiss at 1:00 pm, and you get an hour for lunch. Your fifteen minutes of learning consists of adding 7 plus 12 and then identifying the capital of Ohio. Done. The school bus ride home blares music of every favorite song ever written and the bus driver is a cool dude with a big tattoo that says “I feel pretty”. To make things more interesting for the little tikes, the bus only slows down to 10 miles an hour and at the bus stops our little darlings are asked to jump and roll. No one is allowed to sue anyone for anything, unless it involves a blow torch.
There are 9 days in every week and you only have to work on alternating Suesnesdays. The concept of time was thrown out in the Year 614-7, and replaced the number of times a day the two Suns collide. There is no need for alcohol as the air is filled with massive chemicals that will get you drunk, high, hungry and sleepy all in the same hour, which is now marked as 787 minutes so it lasts longer.
Money was abolished due to boredom and now everyone exchanges clothing if they want to conduct business. That way you never have to give back change and at the same time never have to do laundry. Why just yesterday I bought a new chicken for a pair of blue jeans and a sock. When it comes time to do your taxes at the end of the year in Decebrualy, you can mail the IRS a cardigan sweater and the deal is done.
Speaking of chickens and livestock in general, they are considered off limits for eating ever since it was discovered that eating animals made you come back in the next life as an animal. If you don’t believe me, see you in the next life brother, and keep one eye open at all times.
As you enter the village there is a huge suggestion box that is used by all of the villagers, and once a month a suggestion is randomly pulled and made into law immediately. There are no questions asked and violation of said law means you can never create another suggestion. As impractical as this sounds, last week it was declared that you must eat ice cream every day without using a spoon. Messy ? Perhaps but you will get no complaining from me. Also gives me incentive to sell more of my dirty clothing.

On our next episode of Land of the Ridiculous, we will explore how to eliminate both TV commercials and telemarketers legally, and without using a blowtorch.



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