UPDATE: NASA scientists have reportedly confirmed that the planet Nibiru will collide with Earth in November of this year.
The Nibiru collision with Earth in 2012 has been predicted for a long time, but astrophysicists, cosmologists, mathematicians, librarians, beauticians, physicians, nutritionists, botanists, lobotomists and astronomers around the world have now come to a consensus that Earth will indeed collide with the planet, which lies just outside Pluto.
In other news, the Cleveland Meth Heads have won the World Series
Butter is declared good for you, and can also be used to make explosives
Football is now considered dangerous for your health but will continue because people still like it and it makes tons of cash
Dogs are smarter than humans, they are just fucking with us
And on the human interest side of news, there is none.
This breaking news has been brought to you by the residents of Nibiru, whose motto is : We’re not here to make friends. Annihilation is our middle name.