Here we go, time to get everything going again. Will we mess it up? Depends on who you talk to and how positive or negative they are. Either everything will be fine or we will be dead by Wednesday. May as well bring sports back before then!
This will be the first of a 5 part series on how I feel we should bring sports back, and some “creative” ideas on how to change the rules to speed things up or at least make them more interesting. Each part will focus on a different sport, listed in the order of when I believe they will come back.
I will place this disclaimer at the very start. If you are a superfan of one of these sports you may not like what you are about to read. If nothing else my ideas will save you hours from staring at that TV.
Part 1 – Golf For some of you, you may prefer to watch flies mating or watching the grass grow. For others this sport may provide that perfect reason to take a nap after turning it on. Yes, golf follows its own pace and can be a tad slow, one round taking over 4 hours. That is about to change.
New Rules :
1. You get 5 minutes per hole, from the first tee shot to getting it in the hole. I know there is speed golf, but this will show you who is in shape.
2. No caddies, carry your own freaking clubs. And you only get 3 clubs : a putter, an iron and a wood. Choose wisely, as you are carrying these with you as you run.
3. You only get one ball. Lose it and you are out. Done. If you put it in the lake, better start swimming. And there will now be sharks in all lakes.
4. If you miss the 5 minute deadline of getting the ball in the hole, you lose a club. Since you only have 3, that would suck. If you lose all 3, you are out
5. There are three players assigned to each grouping, and verbal insults are encouraged, especially while taking a shot. I am tired of the church like silence in the game.
6. No more picking up balls off the green. If someone else’s ball is in the way, hitting it out of the way takes a shot off your score.
I’d put the total time for a round at about an hour, maybe a bit more. Each tournament is still 4 rounds, but now they play it all in one day. You get a 10 minute break between rounds and get your clubs back to start over the new round. All you can eat in between rounds is hot dogs and beer. The game as we know it is now different.
For the final round, you have to carry the hot dogs and beer with you with your clubs. It could get messy, but this sport needs some messy.
I have sent this proposal to the golf authorities but all I have to show for it so far is a restraining order. I will keep trying.
Next up, basketball