We had such an enjoyable evening showing up at someone else’s wedding without an invitation, it got me to thinking about other ways we could either enhance or ruin an occasion for a small or even large gathering. I will go by order of difficulty.
1 – Funeral crashing – this was also noted in Wedding crashers and perfected by Will Ferrell. A bit morbid for my liking but you might be able to score some good food afterward. No one is usually that hungry so may get some to go bags too. (Sure it’s incredibly wrong, but I sure as hell hope someone crashes mine and they better get at least a good tuna sub for their efforts)
2 – Birthday crashing – the beauty of this is it can be done anywhere. Restaurant with folks singing ? Well sidle on up to the chorus and help belt it out. This could get you a shot, a beer, and leftovers at their table when no one is looking. Wander the streets of your local neighborhood. You see a bouncy house going up, climb on in and knock a few kids around. The grownups will love you, you will come out looking thirsty and someone is bound to put a drink in your hand. From there you will have cake coming and if you make it inside, you may find yourself on their Christmas card list by the end of the night.
3- Baptism crashing – this gets a bit tougher as you will need to cruise the churches and read up on the Church bulletins. But once you are in and reciting all the prayers about blessing and keeping the little tyke it all rolls downhill like holy water off a baby’s forehead. It helps to know the kid’s name too. You will have been part of saving him or her from eternal damnation and there is a good chance to score BBQ ribs or chicken afterward. Extra credit if you are made an honorary godfather.
4- Outdoor Barbecue crashing – this is your garden variety Memorial Day/ 4th of July / Labor Day picnic where you just roll up out of the blue with a 12 pack. This one takes some guts but I find if the quality of your beer exceeds most of what is already there, they will shrug it off and welcome you into the fold. A covered dish will surely seal the deal, even if it is under-cooked meat or egg salad that went bad 2 weeks ago. The sooner you are doing shots and bad mouthing other countries, the better your chance for an invite next year.
5- Thanksgiving crashing – Ok, this one gets a lot harder. Showing up at a random house on Thanksgiving day could get your ass beat. Here is my advice on this one : Pick a big house and a large family, preferably many aunts and uncles. Come in through the side door, during the random football game the guys are screaming about. You will have to bring a heavy hitter, perhaps Jamison or Crown Royal, and start pouring as the men are high fiving. Immediately find a spot on the couch and plant it until dinnertime. If they have 2 turkeys you are in. If anyone asks you what you are thankful for, say “Love of family, candied yams, and short prison sentences”. They will all laugh and shake their heads on who they assume to be crazy Uncle Will. Oh, and be sure to introduce yourself as Uncle Will…..
6- Finally, the toughest of them all, random dinner crashing. Pick any house, show up at dinnertime, knock on the door and say “sorry I’m late for dinner” Walk right in and sit down at the table. If you pull this one off you are a legend. More than likely you will be arrested, but be sure you grab a chicken leg before you get cuffed. When you get to the police station, find out when the policeman’s ball is.. You know what to do from there. .