It’s Easter weekend everyone, and you know what that means… Yes, I understand we have been saved from our sins again and all that, but let’s be honest, it’s all about the candy. Which brings me to the topic of the day, an ongoing battle of disagreement between both my daughters and myself, a piece of candy’s right to be individually wrapped. This began years ago with my oldest, lover of the Hershey’s kiss. As you all know these treats are not only individually wrapped, they throw in an extra piece of paper in it just to piss me off even more. Her argument is that it is chocolate and the risk of melting far exceeds the frustration of having to pull apart the tiny aluminum foil like wrapper. I will take melting chocolate over what turns into 57 different pieces of trash any day.
“Hey, would you like some chocolate?” “Sure, I love chocolate”. “Well, here you go, 100 pieces for you, now get to work buddy as you will have arthritis and carpal tunnel when you are done.. And then don’t forget to clean up the 200 wrappers lying all around you”.
Move ahead to this year, as now my younger daughter has discovered Life Savers. Damn, I love Life Savers, remember 5 flavors that came in the roll that you unraveled to the mystery of what flavor you were going to get? It was a treat wrapped in a riddle of what you were going to get next. Well it looks like those fuckers are in on it now and decided to individually wrap them too. We have a big bag sitting on our kitchen counter now. There’s about 12 of them left, and 59 wrappers around the kitchen. There’s no melting argument for this one kiddos. Put them in the freaking bag together and let them roll around together. So what if they get stuck together ? It’s the Life Saver double or even triple bonus , something that is not possible with this single configuration and I say enough!
On to the peeve that is my pettiest. Twizzlers.. Love them, as most of you do. However, if you ever send this to me as pictured below, it is the end of our friendship.
“Hey, I got Twizzlers. Let me rip off 5 pieces at once, as I love them , WHAT ? I have to open each one ???? What’s next Raisinets, Goobers, individually wrapped ?
I rest my case.
Hey, let’s wrap pasta noodles one at a time ? What a fun meal ! Or Cereal ? Pour the milk, I will be with you in an hour when each of my Lucky Charms has been unwrapped.
Peanuts in a can ? Count me in ! In each Shell ? Only if I can smash them with my individually wrapped Twizzlers…
Crabmeat ? My favorite.. Still inside the leg of the actual crab ? Throw it back in the ocean.
Ok, rant is over, I have to get back to cleaning up the 14,565 pieces of trash around the kitchen from the Rice truck that showed up at my house. I got a case of Brown Rice, individually wrapped and I want to have the meal ready by Memorial Day.
Happy Easter, Passover, or just the 27th of March…