Hey we all work hard. Ok maybe not all of us and certainly not Steve but sooner or later, we need some time off. Time to unwind, regroup, re-energize, relax, take a break, calm down, chill out, chillax, hang out, decompress, kick back, detach, veg out, and go comatose for at least an hour.
Not long ago, you would take a day off, or call in sick. No one even cared if you were sick. “Johnny just called in sick”. It was assumed you were puking your guts out all day and everyone else would go back to work.
Not so simple anymore. Everything now is a “Leave”, and with that, a policy. Can’t have a leave without reading the policy. Read the policy, sign the policy so you may understand it if you need to take a leave. And when you are done reading the policy, you will need to take some Alleve.
Not feeling so well ? No worries mate as you have Sick Leave.
Need a week with the family ? Vacation Leave will cover that, if you have accumulated enough time to leave. Make sure everyone knows you will be out on leave, and don’t leave any work behind anyone else, for they too may be on Leave.
Need some time to yourself ? Take some personal leave. Some good therapy while on personal leave is raking leaves, or reading tea leaves.
We also have FMLA, or Family Medical Leave Act. Sounds like making up an illness to get away from your family. This could be paid, unpaid, and up to 12 weeks. Sounds like Witness protection leave to me..
There is Bereavement Leave, which is different based on the loved one. Someone close to you could be 3 to 5 days, your 3rd cousin’s monkey Dave would only be the afternoon. And if they left you a large sum of money, you can leave the job altogether.
Jury Leave is like getting picked last for kickball. You made the team, but no one really wanted you. Make him guilty quickly and you may obtain some Happy Hour Leave.
Voting Leave- yes, Voting Leave let’s you go and pick the latest guy to screw you over, and you will get 3 hours to do so. Take your time, make the right choice, and you may get 30 minutes left over for a sandwich leave.
Leaves would not be complete without a few of my own :
Meeting Leave – 3 times a year you can get up from any meeting and walk out. The only requirement is that you must pronounce “I’m Leaving” as you go.
Project Leave – Once a year, any project that has been given to you can be thrown out at any point, no matter how much money the company loses.
Quitting Leave – Also once a year, you can curse at anyone, quit your job, and change your mind the following Monday while being promoted. This may not be a popular leave, but is sure to keep things interesting on a Friday.
Well, I think it is time I leave you all alone. Go grab some dinner, but leave room for dessert…