Fonix is cansulled !!

Hot off the presses from Washington,   Phonics has been dubbed illegal and iz now banned.  From now on you can call things whatever you want !!!

Wot duz this meen ?   Me think ewe no wat this meens !!!

Grammor iz now opshunal,   Spelling iz know longer nessessare,  Punkshewatshun haz been replaced bye pretty photos uv smiley faces.

Injoy reeding everywon…

Next week,   Math will be replaced with something terrific.   Rumor is ,  7 + 5 now equals a pint,   and a quart of milk will now cost you 3 fingers.

That’s an order !

This just in,  another executive decree from the exalted one has come in  (and I don’t mean the Pope)  and this time it appears we are re-writing some old scriptures.   Leave it to the king of the comb-over to pull these out of the do whatever I want hat.

Unconditional love just came in with some conditions.


I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through Congress.

And know that I am with you always; yes, to the end of time. Well maybe only until 2020 but it will FEEL like the end of time.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, especially if wearing the red, white and blue.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. Go ahead and trust Russia too.  No really, it’s ok.  They are a terrific country.

It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.  Just don’t call the doctors as I am sure they will be leaving the country.

I tell you the truth, it is no longer hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of the secret service than it used to be for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Now rich men will be first in line, and all will be terrific.

If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the government, and you will have treasure in heaven.  It will all go very nicely for you up there,  trust me.

My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by all women. But now my kingdom is from another place.  I can’t tell you where but it is terrifically cold, everyone drinks vodka and there is a shitload of oil.

All the commandments: You shall not commit adultery, you shall not kill, you shall not steal, you shall not covet, and so on, are summed up in this single command: You must love your mirror as yourself.

Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for all of the news outlets.   For they will be WRONG.

Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of my press secretary,  the one who looks like Chris Farley.    I give you Spicey Boy


For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?

Nope,  no joke of that one.   It is perfect the way that it is….
And for those of you ready to scream “blasphemy” ,  I got a get out of hell free card back in grade school from Sister Joseph Lawrence Nelson Reilly of the Convent of extreme suppression.

Look at it this way…

In case you have not noticed it,  there is alot going on in this country right now,  and I don’t mean the Super Bowl or Winter snow storms named Fortis and Jupiter.

I have a simple idea that will resolve ALL of this.  Instead of building a wall to Mexico,  we need to get more serious and think more globally.   I say we build a wall around the entire planet,  even better if we move it up into space.   Let’s keep the real aliens out, not just the made up ones.

Think of the jobs this will create.  It will also help the space program as shuttles will have to go up every day to work on the wall.  It can be made on inexpensive material such as plywood or even saran wrap to keep the costs down.   The most important part would be to keep 2 areas open in a circular pattern to allow the sun and the moon to make its way in.   Perhaps some netting could be used,  like the ones used in shark cages.    It would be a shame to have all of that work done just to kill any warmth coming in and make us all extinct.   Not that the Earth would mind that..

Once that is in place we can resume building walls around every country,  as long as the internet can still get in.   We need to be able to continue to watch the rioting on Facebook.

This will help the economy as there will be so many jobs for building shit that we will not know what to do with it.   The Education system is saved as now the only classes will be basic carpentry and how to build moats.

Climate change is also fixed as now we will have so many walls built it will be easier to keep the temperatures at an even 72 as each wall will have its own thermostat.

If we build the walls high enough,  we will no longer be able to bomb each other so war is eliminated.

I have many other ideas on how to look at things differently,  and trust me,  we are going to have to start doing just that.      A new book is born……

I would say more but I want to get this out before they shut me down.  That guy out there in the tree with the binoculars is making me nervous.

I leave you with one thought of inspiration as this train continues to roll downhill with ever increasing speed.

Jesus said, ” Love one another as I have loved you”. This is about the only thing I took out of 12 years of Catholic school.   We need to be paying attention to this now perhaps more than ever before in our history,   or we could be left with the other quote I remember from Catholic school,  “Jesus wept”.

Time to shut this down,  grab a shovel, and start digging my moat.  I was always partial to Piranhas…..



A new resolution

Here in 2017,  these are the things that make me happy :  The smile of a child, a day spent in the wild, the wag of a dog, sitting on a log. A breeze that is warm, an approaching storm, the laugh of my wife, stopping to appreciate my life.

These are the things that make me sad :  A nation divided, a child being scolded, anyone who is lost, winning at all costs.  Feeling disjointed, wandering around without an appointment,  seeing a picture that is leaning,  hoping that at the end my life has had some meaning.

A new year is here, and with it the time to get serious about seeing this world for the humorous potential it has.   I am tired of the whining, crying, excuses and misuses, of the tears and the fears,  where will this go and what will I do ?   We all have to sludge through the earth plane for some amount of time.  Some of us got out early,  some way too early.  Let those that did blaze the trail for the rest of us to see what truly matters.

I have been bouncing ideas for a book for some time,  there are bounces that barely get off the ground, and every once in a while the ball jumps off the page and goes high into the sky,  seeing the potential one can do if they get themselves out of the way and let the ideas come.    That is the challenge for all of us.    And this is the challenge I set before me.

Show the world where the fun is.  Everyday, every place, every instance.  Take the gloves off and tell it the way you know how.   It is also easier to type that way.

Off I go, and where it takes me I do not know.  But I will be writing for you,  but more importantly, I will be writing for me.   Some things you know about yourself way deep inside that are true,  and I need to get in there and let it come out to feel truly free…

Time to stop fucking around and get it done…. there is more to come,  so much more to come….  This is only a small taste,  but I am hear to tell you ,  this world IS a funny place….