Hey, it’s Holy Week, and you know what that means ? Jesus riding into town on a donkey and no doubt wondering, ” I signed on for this mess ?” The ultimate adopted child had to have wondered how he got here and felt a touch out of place. We have all been there at some point in our lives, questioning who these family members were and how I got stuck in that unit. Certainly I MUST have been adopted, right ?
Fortunately I have done extensive research on this very topic, and have compiled a list of statements below to help you in your quest for determining this age old question. It is quite the list, and based on how many questions you answer “YES”, I have a scale at the end to help you.
– The family portrait has your eyes scratched out.
– Last year at Christmas, you were sent to Istanbul, one-way.
– For your birthday, they let you do the laundry.
– For Trick or Treat, it is your job to check for razor blades by biting into all the apples.
– At Thanksgiving, you sit at the kids table, even though you are now 45 years old.
– You were once donated to Goodwill, but were rejected.
– On family vacations, you went to the kennel with the dog.
– The constant family bickering always stops when you enter the room, followed by uncomfortable silence only broken when the dog farts.
– You were once mailed to Texas as part of an E-bay transaction gone wrong.
– You were posted on Craig’s list under furniture for sale.
– Your bedroom was on the roof.
– Every 5 years the family moved without telling you, leaving only a trail of breadcrumbs and a sign that said, “We went North”.
– Your only chore was to clean out the septic tank, daily!
– You were not named until you reached 10 years old. Up until then you were “Kid #4”.
– Your eyes are blue, everyone else in the family is bloodshot.
– You are the only one in the family without a record, and a probation officer.
– Your father has you get up at 4 am each morning, to milk the cows. You do this to be part of the family until you realize you do not live on a farm.
Ok, quiz is over, count up all of your YES answers. Take your time, I have nothing better to do……… Ok, here is the answer scale.
YES of 0 to 5 – Sorry dude, that family you have been living with really is yours…
6 to 10 – You have a shot of being adopted. Begin pursuing birth parents immediately, and see if that is a better deal. If not, you can always stay put. Do this quietly or it may blow up in your face.
11 to 16 – You are probably adopted. Hire a private detective and get pictures of your real family. If they are better looking, show up at Thanksgiving unannounced. Food fights on holidays are awesome.
17 – YUP, adopted. Move to the island of Misfit Toys and wait for Rudolph and gang to pick you up Xmas Eve. (if anyone needs help with that reference, see the clip below)
I hope I have been some help to you and have provided some closure. For the record, My middle name IS Charlie and that video above is from 1964, the year of my birth. Coincidence, I think not.. See you on the Island. I’ll be the one riding an ostrich !!
P.S. See how I worked the 2 big holidays in ? That is Charlie thinking outside of the box !!