My good friend Howie was in a bit of a pickle, being one of only 12 people in the NYC area that roots for not only the Giants but the playoff bound Mets. The below was my advice to him.. For some of you non sports fans, this may read is if the parents are speaking in a Charlie Brown cartoon, such as wah wah, waah wah waaaah !! Bear with me on this one… I offer up any scheduling advice to the rest of you as well, including how to chew gum, walk a dog, and do complex math calculations in Spanish all at the same time..
Howie, I am writing this piece to you on the Eve of a huge sports weekend for you.. I know you have been under much stress as to where to place your focus
since the NFL season has begun. You may even feel responsible for the Giants current 2-2 record feeling that if you had ALL of your focus on them they would have put away Dallas and Atlanta and be sitting in the cat bird seat at 4-0 right now. Unfortunately this year a nice surprise named the Mets has arrived to cause the split focus.
It is a blessing and a curse. Well, Tommy the Swami, the Master of the Postseason is here to tell you to rest easy my friend, as the scheduling gods have arrived to help you.
Let me digress a bit.. As you know this time of year is on my Mount Rushmore of sports events.. Baseball Playoffs and Football at the same time. What are the other 3 ?
The first 4 days of March Madness, The Super Bowl unless Bruno Mars is performing, and the latest, the Final 4 of College football on or around New Years.
But back to your split focus conundrum. Let’s break this down into the minutia that only I can deliver. Go grab a hoagie first if you’d like. I can wait.
Ok, MLB divisional playoffs start today, and I love the day games. Talk about split focus between work and TV. Tomorrow is the quadruple header, and you get to watch all other games leading to the night cap of Game 1 versus the Dodgers. Yes, you have Kershaw and Greinke to face, but Kershaw has proven beatable in the post season before. Your goal here is one win in LA, just one. Then here comes the scheduling beauty. Sunday is the NL travel day and your Giants get the Sunday night game to themselves on NBC.
In the words of Kenny Banya, “That’s Gold Jerry, GOLD ! ” So relax, take the Mets night off and enjoy thumping the hapless 49ers , hopefully in person. When the Giants win, I will give you 2 hours to celebrate, then it is right back over to the Mets on Monday for another quadruple header on the docket. Game time has not been announced as of now but you may need to turn your focus around quickly if this is a day game. This could be your toughest assignment in this pilgrimage. With Game 3 comes Matt Harvey pitching, latest report says he gets to pitch only the 1st, 4th, 6th, and 8th innings, provided he wears a catcher’s mask. I like the Mets in both Games 3 and 4 and then we are off to the NLCS !!
This is where the deity of programming smiles on you again. The NLCS is set to open on Saturday, Oct 17, with game #2 on Sunday. I am smelling a Cubs upset of St Louis which would put the Mets at home for the first 2 at Shea. (I refuse to call stadiums by corporation names) Wait, what is that I see on the NFL schedule ? The Giants have a MONDAY night game at the Stinking Eagles ? A travel day for the NLCS. Yes, Virginia, there is a scheduling Santa Claus, and he doth come early this year for you..
Not only do the Giants play on a Mets off day, but they get the doe eyed Sam Bradford who will no doubt hand the Giants at least 21 points. This puts the Giants at 4-2 and the Mets off to Chicago. Those games will be played Tues/Wed/Thursday so once again you will get a 2 hour window to enjoy the Giants win on Monday night, but need to be prepared that short rest may be required if Game 3 of the NLCS is an afternoon game.. I suggest several hoagies with potato salad.
Now things get dicey. Games 6 and 7 of the NLCS are slated for the weekend of Sat/Sun Oct 24/25. The Giants have a 4 pm game at home vs Dallas that I know you would want to attend in person.. Game 7 of the NLCS at New York would be Sunday night at 8 pm. That may be too much to ask of any man.. It literally gives you no time to shift your focus. I highly recommend the Mets dispose of the Cubs by Game 6. Then all pressure is off, the Giants hose the Cowboys, sitting at 5-2 while the Mets go the Freaking World Series !!!!
From there you are playing with house money. The WS opens on Tuesday at the AL City, Game 2 on Wed. . Thursday is travel and Game 3 and 4 would be in NY on Friday and Saturday. Put the Giants aside and enjoy the ride. Then comes the final obstacle. Sunday, November 1st. Game 5 of the World Series, in NY , the same day the Giants play in New Orleans at 1 pm. But you can pull this one off. The Saints suck, the Giants go to 6-2 and is it too much to ask for a WS Title in Game 5 on the same day ??
Harvey pitches 2 scoreless innings before they pull him for Jerry Koosman. You could celebrate both victories with an Open faced Turkey sandwich on Rye with 2 hookers…
Well there you have it.. The pressure is off. In the end, you have a World Series champion, the Giants at 6-2 at the halfway mark and you probably also have a social disease. You have one day to rest up before all of this starts. I suggest an immediate nap followed by 30-40 reps of Pastrami…
Good luck , we are all counting you.
PS – None of the above is meant for betting purposes. Entertainment only, and always wear a condom..