I’m just Waiting on the Pope..

Sung to a great Rolling Stones song, it is scary how little I had to change..  And if you are going to wait,  may as well tailgate.   Stay thirsty my friends…

Watching girls go passing by
It ain’t that latest thing
I’m just standing in a roadway
I’m just trying to make some sense
Out of these girls go passing by
The tales they tell of men
I’m not waiting on a lady
I’m just waiting on the Pope
A smile relieves a heart that grieves
Remember what I said
I’m not waiting on a lady
I’m just waiting on the Pope
Just waiting on the Pope
Don’t need a whore
I don’t need no booze
Don’t need a virgin priest
I need someone I can cry to
I need someone to protect
Making love and breaking hearts
It is a game for youth
I’m not waiting on a lady, oh yeah
I’m just waiting on the Pope

waiting on pope

pilgrimage

Is anybody home ?

I have another test for you..  This one may be a bit easier than the Math test,  and more fun.   This is a test to search out for any signs of intelligent life.  Too see if there are any lights flickering behind the eyes of humans,  to see if the porch light is on,  if there is any twinkle in there, or least find if there is any hope of a sense of humor left for us..

I am not looking for lofty goals here,  if we find 74 out of several billion I will consider this a success.  So we do we need to do ?   Just some basic prompts for some interaction, a tweaking of the thought processes,  a nudge to knock someone off track enough to let them know there is a lot more than just the one track they have been programmed to see since birth.  Now I am no psychologist (they would not let me in the club),  but I am confident that the following questions or comments to people will get them to notice you,  however there is no guarantee they will not notify the authorities,  but that is a chance you will have to take to wake people up..    Ok, here goes :

First rule is that this needs to be done in person, no Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr,  Pinterest,  texting, sexting, schmeckxting, Skyping, Facetiming, Vineing, Youtubing, or GoTo meeting..    For some of you this may mean getting out of the house for the first time since 2011,  but at the current rate of Global warming it will be good for you to see the Sun before it is 125 degrees every day.

This is meant to get people to think differently.  Knock them off their axis, but be sure to help them up afterward.

Walk up to anyone,  have idle chit chat and then tell them if you do not see them,  have a great Christmas.   This works best in July.

In a grocery store, look for any parent that has a child in their cart,  and then ask them what aisle they got them in.. I have done this before.  They will either have a sense of humor or will run screaming for security.   Best you wear sneakers for that question.

Find a state park and get into an argument with a tree. Make sure you can be overheard and tell the other trees to stay out of it..  I am sure you will have the place to yourself in no time.

Go to any sporting event and start rooting for a team that is not playing.  It helps to yell out “Touchdown”  during halftime…

Find any public setting with at least 57 people and casually spread the word that the mother ship will be here soon,  making sure all have packed an extra pair of socks.   For extra effect make sure you are wearing some form of cheese.

Walk into any Catholic church with two pieces of bread and ask for the Communion sandwich and a side of bacon.  If you catch any flack just say the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Finally,  go to any beach and pretend you are hitchhiking. If anyone offers you a ride tell them you are going to Iowa.  The look of confusion alone will be worth it.

Let me know how you do with any of these exercises.   If you happen to run into legal conflicts, be sure to contact me at the address below… And remember, always keep people guessing.   It beats the hell out of unconsciousness..

 

 

 

The Math answers are in !!

I would like to thank everyone who answered the 5 Math questions back on August 25th.  I received over 800 answers from all over this wonderful planet, and will name the winner after I list the answers below..  To refresh your memory, go back an re-read the quiz… Go Ahead, I will wait…………………………………………………………………………….

Now the answers :

  1.  It will be lunch time when I say it is and no a moment before then…
  2. The probability is 12%, provided both swam in the same dunk tank with Sally Johnson.
  3.  This is a trick question.  Everyone knows the Illuminati scores the most crack.
  4.  The Answer is 12. Extra Credit :  Cannot be proven unless you lose permanent sense of smell…
  5.   The Monkey will counter sue for loss of wages, and will be compensated with a Ford Taurus.

And the winner of the quiz goes to Venugopal Balasubramanian from the land of Myanmar.  He was offered a free trip to the United States but respectfully declined due to the fear of sitting next to someone with extreme body odor….

That was quick !

It is Labor Day weekend, the holiday that no one understands but everyone celebrates as a day off is a day off…  We say goodbye to summer and hello to fall,  unless you live in Fiji and then you just say fuck it is still hot…    There is no better way to honor the labors of humans than to point out their idiosyncrasies.   Today’s subject is the spoken English language, and I have searched the Globe for the laziest word.   Don’t ask me how you can do that and this discussion will go much faster.    After minutes of searching, I have found the word  “Meh”.   Some of you may not have heard of it,  but it seems to be the latest way of quickly disapproving and dismissing a topic, an item or opinion in a succinct and unappreciative way that only humans can do in an instant.   A few examples.

So Johnny, what did you think of that movie last night, the one that cost millions of dollars, employed hundreds of people and took months to produce ?  “Meh”.

Wow look at that artist’s painting !  It took her years to come up with the idea, putting all of her time and energy into this fabulous work of originality.   Ralph,  wouldn’t this look great in our living room ?     “Meh”.

The word has fascinated me so that I had to look up its history.   I assumed it was a recent slang word invented by some kid who gave up forming complete sentences,   but that was incorrect.   It seems it dates back to the Mayflower,  the famous ship that brought the English to the new world back in 1620..  After months of sailing, with terrible conditions, starving passengers and even the death of a few poor souls,  they finally arrived at Cape Cod.. Upon landing,  one weary traveler looked upon another and said,  “So what dost thou think of this new miraculous world we hath discovered?”   The answer was “Meh”.    It appears he was expecting Cable and a salad bar before they sought out to murder the Native Indians..    Rumored has it he was shot the next day.

So listen up for “Meh” as you travel about in your daily lives.  I am certainly not encouraging murder,  but a good kick in the crotch might advance our language in ways you never thought of…