If I am ever found in one of the pictures listed below, you hereby have permission to shoot me on sight……
Nothing screams Merry Christmas more than being trampled by fellow humans looking to save a buck…….
We are a week away from the family festivities, hope this gets you in the mood. Or at the very least, convinces you to stay home.
Inspirational Family Quotes
Spend some time this weekend on home-improvement…
Improve your attitude toward your family. Or just sleepover at Home Depot.
If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all your generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people. Now please resist the urge you have to stab your palm repeatedly with a sharp stick.
But enough about family. Thanksgiving is a day to stop working, stop schooling, stop drooling, a day for re-tooling, for traffic that is grueling, for much food for fueling, and drumsticks for dueling. Over the river and through the woods, you better not show up without plenty of canned goods. Family members you do not recognize, five minutes later you start to agonize, it is time to alcoholize, put on a disguise, plan on eating so you will need a larger clothing size, watch the candied yams start to crystallize, we fraternize with distant kinsfolk we despise, we gluttonize in hopes that it will metabolize, we are mesmerized at the sight of pumpkin pies, time to antagonize my Uncle Larry until I get ostracized……
Who’s sleepy ?
BILLINGS, Mont. — A man napping in a Montana cornfield was startled out of his snooze when he was run over by a large harvesting machine – and Yellowstone County deputies say he’s lucky to be alive.
Sheriff’s Lt. Kent O’Donnell says the 57-year-old man had been traveling the country by bus and decided to take a rest three rows deep in a field on the outskirts of Billings, the state’s largest city. A farmer harvesting Wednesday felt his combine hit something. When he turned the machine off, he heard screaming.
Emergency responders found the man’s clothing had been sucked into the cutter, ensnaring him in the blades. O’Donnell says the man, whose name was not released, suffered cuts requiring stitches and may need skin grafts, but given the circumstances is “incredibly lucky.”
Some shit you just cannot make up……
A Bolivian cult that reveres the human skulls of close relatives has held a ceremony to close out a religious festival in honor of the dead.
Members of the cult keep skulls of family members in their homes and decorate them in advance of the annual Dia de los natitas – ‘Day of the Skulls’ – ceremony.
They have the craniums blessed at the cemetery chapel, which they believe brings them good luck in the future – from finding a job to helping their favorite football team win.
The believers also pay homage to their skulls by offering them music, prayer, food and cigarettes. Although the cult is rejected by the Catholic Church, it has quickly gained followers.
=========================Fritz Final Word =============================
Some might say it has quickly gained followers BECAUSE it was rejected by the Catholic church, but I say it has gained followers because the Cowboys won yesterday due to my dead relative’s 10 year old skull being stuffed with cotton balls. I win 100 bucks, and then get a new job? Damn right I am stuffing food inside Aunt Clara’s no longer used noggin. Who needs cremation ? Tell you what, if I keel over next week, decorate my head with a ski cap, hook me up with some U2 Cd’s, and I’ll take a cheese steak with a side of sweet potato fries. No cigarettes for me though, that stuff will kill ya !!
You know what that means ? Wait, I did that bit yesterday. So we have a new President, wait , we have the same one. People are happy, people are pissed. They don’t want more of the same. they would prefer less of the different. I wanted change, and I did not get it. Now I have to settle for more of the same change that has been going on for 4 years and I never even noticed that nothing changed. What the hell am I saying ? This is enough to piss off a baby, or Jesus !!
You all know what that means, don’t you ? Seriously, let me know what that means so I will then know..
We must vote for the right candidate that will bring about change, and a change not just for changes sake, but real change that will show me that it is more than just a change in clothing, or a change in scenery, or a change for the better. I want a change for greatness, or at least mediocrity. I want a leader that will not change horses in midstream, or at least knows how to ride a horse. I want to follow someone who is not afraid to go with the flow, or against the current, or take me up the creek without a paddle, who can then get out and run with the dogs, walk with the common folk, roll up his sleeves and make some dough, then flip it and make a pizza. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. You may say I am foolish to hope for such grandiose qualities in my land of the brave’s head muckety muck, but I am sure I can find at least 5 more that think just like me, or at least a few squirrels and a woodchuck.
Today is the day I will make a difference, grab life by the crotch and put in a head honcho that will give me liberty, give me what may not be happiness but allow me to pursue it somehow, and let me live and quietly pay my taxes without any fucking clue where the money is going.
Then i can rest easy tonight, my last thought knowing that tomorrow will be a new day, with a leader that will bring the believable change that I always wanted. Until the zombies come and none of this matters anymore.