Things could be worse !

You could be arrested for abusing a Manatee !!

Manatee-Riding Woman Hands Herself In

A woman who was seen riding a manatee claims she did not know she was breaking the law.  

A woman who was spotted riding a manatee off the Florida coast has handed herself in to the authorities.  Officials at the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office had been trying to track down Ana Gutierrez since Sunday afternoon, when she was seen in the water with the marine mammal. Gutierrez was observed touching and climbing on top of the creature at Fort De Soto Park, near the city of St Petersburg. Sheriff’s deputies were alerted to reports of a woman riding a manatee in the waterway just north of the Gulf Pier.   When they arrived on the scene, they could not locate the woman and asked for the public’s assistance in identifying her.  Witnesses in the area were able to give the deputies a description, including photos, of the suspect and where she was last seen.

Gutierrez later called the Sheriff’s Office Communications Center to say she wanted to turn herself in. Deputies met her at her home, where she admitted the offense, claiming she was new to the area and did not realize it was against the law to touch or harass manatees. The deputies explained the law to her regarding manatees and the possible penalties for violating such laws. They explained to her that charges would be forwarded to the State Attorney’s Office for prosecution.

Interfering with the mammal is regarded as a second degree misdemeanor under the Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act.  The Act states it is “unlawful for any person at any time, by any means, or in any manner intentionally or negligently to annoy, molest, harass, or disturb or attempt to molest, harass, or disturb any manatee”.  The offense could result in a maximum prison sentence of 60 days, but the manatee is not believed to have been harmed.

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Ok, where to begin.. In her defense I do not think I would be aware of such a law.  I doubt the manatee knew either, and who knows, maybe he was looking to be molested. While I do tend to leave such large creatures of the ocean alone, if I was begin sought for this, I’d be leaving for Mexico immediately.  Perhaps there I could find a Mexican hairless dog to fondle…..just kidding, fans of PETA   !!!

Remember, no matter how bad your day is going,  Things could be Worse !!!

 

Another Parable for 2012

The Obstacle in our Path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

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The true lesson in this is that it pays to be a vegetarian.  Unfortunately the king then taxed the peasant 30% for the gold coins, pissing him off and forcing him to take a job moving rocks off the road.  But he does have a very nice purse, so that is good.

Parable for 2012

Link

Beginner’s Mind
Once, a professor went to a Zen Master. He asked him to explain the meaning of Zen. The Master quietly poured a cup of tea. The cup was full but he continued to pour. The professor could not stand this any longer, so he questioned the Master impatiently, “Why do you keep pouring when the cup is full?” “I want to point out to you,” the Master said, “that you are similarly attempting to understand Zen while your mind is full. First, empty your mind of preconceptions before you attempt to understand Zen.”
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The professor then sued the Zen master for getting hot tea all over his pants and was awarded a million dollars in a class action suit.   He still does not understand Zen, but no longer gives a fuck….

True news from around the globe – October 13, 2012

Man Dies After Winning Roach-Eating Contest

The winner of a cockroach-eating contest in South Florida died shortly after downing dozens of the live bugs as well as worms. About 30 contestants ate the insects during Friday night’s contest at Ben Siegel Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach, about 40 miles north of Miami. The grand prize was a python. Edward Archbold, 32, became ill shortly after the competition ended and collapsed in front of the shop, according to a Broward Sheriff’s Office statement released on Monday. He was taken to hospital where he was pronounced dead. Authorities are waiting for results of a post-mortem to determine a cause of death.  “Unless the roaches were contaminated with some bacteria or other pathogens, I don’t think that cockroaches would be unsafe to eat,” said Michael Adams, professor of entomology at the University of California. “Some people do have allergies to roaches but there are no toxins in roaches or related insects.”

None of the other contestants became ill, the sheriff’s office said. “We feel terribly awful,” said shop owner Ben Siegel, who added that Mr Archbold did not appear to be sick before the contest.  “He looked like he just wanted to show off and was very nice,” Mr Siegel said, adding that Mr Archbold was “the life of the party”.

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Fritz commentary :   The good news is he still won the snake.  While true none of the other contestants became ill,  their heads were still examined as to why they would want to eat live roaches.   Autopsy results just in !  While it could not be determined what the cause of death was,  Coroner Dick Gosideways did say that eating live bugs and worms probably did not help. One final note from bug expert Michael Adams.  “Yes, while cockroaches might be safe to eat, I think fruits and vegetables might be the smarter way to go kids !! “

A new format – time to get serious

You may have wondered where I went..  Plain and simple I had to re-adapt to life in the corporate world.

Now that is completed, I am back and better than ever, coming up with a new format for everyone who was tired about me talking about my dog.

Today is October 13th and I will broadcast here daily right up to the end of the world on December 21st.  I may keep going if the world ends but I am not sure if they have Wifi where I will be going.. (But I guarantee you there are less commercials there)

Here we go , what will you see here in the waning days of the earth ?  What type of gems will you see from our insane tragedian ?

1-  “Things could be worse”  – any time you think your life sucks, I will provide evidence of others in this world that will make you say, “You know, I ain’t got it so bad after all”. Your life may still suck, but not as bad as these folks.

2 –  Inspirational and Enlightening verses –   These are the things you see posted all over the internet anymore that try to lift you up and change your way of thinking.  I will be dissecting these like a frog and will help you truly understand what they mean.

3-   Parables for 2012 –  You have been reading them all your life, in school and out.. Time for a modern update.

4 –  True news items from around the globe –  you can’t make this shit up.   Presented here with commentary that if the world is not ending,  maybe it should be.

And finally, I have started work on a new book,  a collection of short stories written for my daughters.  I used to read to them when they were little and I always used to change the stories to make them laugh.   I remember thinking that I could write books like these.. Time to put up or shut up….

Ok, that is enough for now.. Plenty more to come… All I ask is that you share this with the rest of the world, before we all blow up….

Tom