Ok, I have seen my Dog’s blog and now realize I need tighter security on my laptop. Guess the password of “summer” was not a good idea. I have also discovered it is not easy getting dog crap out of the back seat of a car after it has been sitting in the hot sun for several hours. I will spare you further details but 3 of my 5 senses are now impaired for at least this weekend.
To Summer’s credit she made her point that I have not been spending enough time with her lately due to book editing and the 97 degree temperature that exists today. We did attempt to play catch with the soccer ball today, she looked at me and said, “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”.
It seems as though Summer’s blogging has gotten quite a reaction here on the mountain. Here are some reviews from within our “community”.
Chickens (there are 5) – “That summer is one hell of a writer. Our next 5 eggs are for you… Now get out so I can lay them.”
Turkeys- (also 5, one Mom and 4 babies) – ” I promised to read Summer’s blog so she does not tear the ass out of me… Sounds like a good deal.”
Diesel the Great Dane. – “i herd it wuz funnie butt i cant reed”.
Horses – “you think summer’s shit smells bad, stop by our stalls anytime.”
That is all.. If you would like Summer to blog more, let me know here in the comments. I am sure she will oblige, my only request to her is she needs to crap elsewhere. Let me know if anyone will let my borrow their car….
Daddee is two busy righting his book. Got tired uv wading for him so me is taking ovur. Are not me much better looking ?
So lettuce talk about Daddee since he not arowned. Not too bad owner, feeds me goodly sum awesum meet and vegtabels that smels crappy to hewmans. Takes me running fastly in woods wear i smell lotsa other animuls and he smell too. Daddee allways need shawer. Me have him trained like good hewman. Cleens up my poop wif big blew scooper. Tosses me crap in woods.
Don’t tell him, butt wach me crap in his car….
Hear he cums, half to go now….. Will tell u more tamarrow. Me saying goodlybye. Are not I mutch funnier then that hewman ?
Sorry I have not posted for a few days, but the final edits were being worked on for Stories for Boys. Here is a sneak peek at the text of what will be on the cover. I should have the cover art within the next week. I am very excited about this book and I am shooting for release by the 4th of July !!
Front cover text – A Poetic tribute to the immaturity of man
Back cover – About the Book– Have you ever wondered what makes men tick? I did not think you would but if you did, you would find it all here. Stories for Boys takes a poetic look at men’s habits and quirks and leaves you wanting to take a shower.
All of men’s secrets are here in gruesome detail, presented in a form of poetry that you have never read before. Open and enjoy if you dare but beware, you are getting a rare stare at men who like to swear in their underwear while lounging in their lair.
About the Author – Tom Fritz has been a student of the behaviors of man his entire life. He has found being a man extremely helpful in this effort. He is committed to sharing what he has learned to the world, and a way for you to help is to read the book.
Tom resides in a log cabin in the mountains of Pennsylvania. Stop by for a visit, but please do not touch his remote control. You can follow Tom without visiting him at www.tomfritzbooks.com
We are officially now into summer, and no one is happier about that than Summer. Summer has been looking forward to summer for quite some time now. Ok, I will knock it off now.
We were both excited about getting off the computer and online poker and getting out into the world of exercise. (Sound like any kids you know?) But what would we do? We could run, walk, skip, bike, canoe, row, kayak, rollerblade, hula hoop, hike, swim, golf, play frisbee, chase squirrels, ice skate, water ski, lawn darts, or simply milk cows.
When I proposed all of the following to her she gave me the following look :
I interpreted this as, “are you freaking kidding me? It is 95 degrees out there”. Point well taken. In the end, she decided on this.
With a forecast of 97 today, here’s hoping all of your exercise activities look something like that.
I am sending this off to the publisher ! What is this about? I will try to explain it here in words that men will understand.
This was originally called Poetry for Men as I always felt the disgusting habits of men has never been fully dissected through the graceful art that is poetry.
What is in the book? Other than words, we have : Sonnets, Limericks, Haikus, poetry that rhymes (that is when the words sound the same, but not quite, like diarrhea and gonorrhea), poetry that does not rhyme (that is when none of the words sound the same, like colostomy and painful rectal itch)
This book will show you men like you have never seen them before, up close and disgusting as you remembered them as boys.
Why did I change the name of the book? You mention poetry in the title and you will get many running for the aisles. Well maybe not many but I know 5 guys that would not get it at all.
If you thought My Grateful Write was funny, you ain’t seen nothing yet ! And if you have not read MGW, what are you waiting for?
Send this out to everyone you know, and several that you do not.
Well I have finally got Summer kicked off the partying train. The last Boxer was sent packing, the last Beagle was bounced and the last German Shepherd was sent shepping.
So what is next for her? I thought it might be nice to teach her a good strategic game such as poker, to get her mind off the Hollywood social scene. It appears my dog has some addictive behaviors as she is now hooked on online poker. She has been playing for 2 days straight. I mean in a row. I cannot seem to flush these poker terms out of my head. What a royal mess this has become. I used to have a full house of dogs and now I am left with a one of a kind pooch with no heart that wants to beat me with a club.
Here she is online as well as at a local game she found in the woods. She went all-in with king-four and lost a day of dog food to a wise squirrel named Sac-o-Nuts.
I think it is time to get her outside and hit the exercise trail !
It has taken several days but I have finally cleared out the party goers from Summer’s binge of stardom. The last one to go is shown below.
As a way of showing my gratitude to her, I let her have a slumber party. No booze allowed. This started out fine until the cats crashed the party. Living in the woods led to other problems too.. I will let you view the carnage. You just never know what animals show up around here.
Next up : Summer learns how to play poker.
We are on the best seller list, hitting the charts at #6 today on Booklocker’s website. I truly have no idea what that means, let’s just keep the laughs going. Get out there, spread the word and buy my book before we run out of trees !
I would hate to be the guy who is about to hit the big time only to have the world run out of paper. Which would be very similar to winning the lottery the day they run out of money. (page 89 of the book, with a list of things to be grateful that have NEVER happened to you)
Have a fantastic day, or at least one with an all you can eat buffet.
Well the Diva that is my dog now has this fame going straight to her head. And I mean literally. According to Summer, the only photos that she is currently allowing are close ups and must be approved by her personally. See below for the only two that made the cutting room floor.
To make matters worse, Summer is now starting to hang out with the wrong crowd, staying out way too late partying with the Canine Brat Pack. I give you human and Canine versions for comparison.
I need help with my dog as she is out of control. The final straw was waking up to this sight this morning… Does anyone know this dog ?
I am putting the finishing touches on Stories for Boys this week. We are looking at a July release date with the publisher, and I am excited about the prospects of this one.
This was originally titled Poetry for Men but I realized that it was more than poetry, it was a close up look at the complex nature of Men as boys. As I type the word complex I am laughing my head off. Men are as complex as a game of Tic Tac Toe.
More to come in the days ahead.